Homesick

What is this feeling?

I miss home, but I am home. So how do I explain what I miss, if I’ve never known it.

Unless, I once did, but now I’m not allowed to remember.

Homesick, lovesick
A small whirlwind of both poisons within

It’s like an emptiness above the stomach
And a heaviness of the gentle time keeper

Faces come to mind like telegrams of sweet moments I’ve never lived
They laugh with soul and squint their eyes with light

At times, I can see me outside of me
It’s more of a vision of the same scene

I seem to stand between joy, peace, and pleased
But I’m in a place that I’ve never been

It’s a beautiful place
Because of the faces I see

I want to be near You
That’s why I’m homesick

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To Know

Forgive me for not telling you how I always felt. For supposing that you would not care or you’d take for granted. I don’t excuse myself but you must know that I never found a bridge between how I felt and your ears and heart.

The times you strolled my mind and your name stamped my thoughts, I wondered if I did so in you. But I knew better. I’d like to think I was wrong. I’d like you to say it so. To say anything.

I want to know.

If you ever thought my name, does it matter now? If I ever thought yours, did you know?

I was silent but my heart sung and my mind screamed. If you’d ever search my eyes you’d know. If I looked into your eyes, I was certain you would hear this, this confusion I call song.

I wondered if you ever heard the melody. I wondered if that was the reason you’d turn away, because you did not want to hear or because you never knew it.

I don’t want to wonder anymore. I want to know.

The Death You Long

We have the erroneous concept that with death we die. Death is but the exile, the exiting of our soul from this vessel. Neither life is a dream, though for some, this life will be the closest to a dream and for others a fading nightmare. Life on earth is one reality, a short one.

Everyone that has lived on earth gets a time period in this reality. Our time here ends in one way of many.Some being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Many awaken- and I say awaken, because leaving this body is like opening our eyes- with their fading health.Others induced by lies and heavy darkness take it upon themselves to end their time.
And one of the most tragically beautiful -our clock starts failing, it breaks, and we run out of heartbeats.

The next reality is much more authentic. Our eyes are opened. Our souls are freed from a fading vessel. Our minds are unveiled. It’s more real in a way because you experience it through new senses.

Senses that capture everything in dense detail.

It can be said in the most tangible of the word…
You are aware.
Verbatim… Aware.

Being here you can say that life on earth felt like a dream. A lot happened so fast, and in some way you had slight control over certain things.

The now you are in now is infinite. Eternal.

Here, time is but a concept from another world: Earth. Time is that story from the books. In this reality time is both what you have plenty of and none.

Let’s talk real. Whoever told you that death was it? That death was an infinite sleep? Who was it that implanted the idea that you’d go back to the stars and the dust?

Your body, your flesh really does, it becomes what it once was; dust.

But your soul, your spirit also returns to its maker to its source.

Here’s the thing. Death, verbatim, as many understand it, is only something we can experience being on earth, being alive, limited to this body.

This death I’m talking about is not death to the body, but death of the mind, the spirit, the heart. One can seem very alive to the physical eye, while having died a long time ago. You walk the streets a healthy being, while rotting inside.

This is the saddest death. It is walking life through motions that lack the fuel of love, of faith, of forgiveness, of kindness.

This is the product of rejecting your Maker, His love for you. That is life outside of His gift, outside His Son.

When you die this death and then die to this life, your soul descends further from its source, from God.

In rejecting Him while you were alive, you allowed sinful things to shape you, to make you. And to that source you’re returned.

This is very sad. Who was it that mocked that you’d be playing a harp on the clouds in heaven, and rocking concerts in hell?

This was a lie, and now you know.

No one looks after anyone in hell.

There is no love there, because God is not there.

Heaven is a place filled with God. God is love. God is good.
Just living with your Creator is a wonderful privilege.

Yeshua paid with His life the cost for us to enter Heaven.

All we have to do is accept Jesus as our Lord and savior in our lives and confess it with our mouths.

If God made all of us, and we’ve made all these things like theme parks, buildings, books, etc., don’t be blinded to think that there are not greater things we haven’t seen or imagined for us to play, to do, to enjoy, while we are in eternity.

All the talents and gifts are from God. He has a purpose for you.

Your purpose does not die when you do, unless you die outside of Him.

We’ll understand more clearly when we’re freed from this vessel.

But following Jesus is to be done now, in this life.

He has granted us entrance to His kingdom and has made us coheirs with Him. There’s lots we might not understand right now.

It’s an adventure of love to follow Yeshua, Jesus the messiah.

Not grasping everything now is part of the adventure.

It’s exciting as you come closer to Him, He shows you. Every step you take closer to Jesus, a veil falls from your eyes, and you see what He has always held in front for you.

Life. Love. Forgiveness. Mercy.

He begins to show you new things and take you to places you have never been.
All this, while being alive on this Earth.

Now imagine having the King in front of you. No physical or mental barriers that cloud you with doubt. Imagine the transformation from this life to the next. The exile of your soul from this body.

Your soul.
You.

Entering pure, dense light.
His kingdom.
His love.

This is the life I want to live my eternity in. By my Creator, my God, my King, my Father.

His presence is the place where I want to be fully aware.

I want to see, to hear, to feel, to taste, to breathe, His pure presence around, within. I want to play, dance, sing, hug, kiss, laugh, with Him.

This is the “death” you long for when you follow Jesus.

©Sofia Segebre

Grace-Given

I speak heaven, faith, mercy, love, God, because that’s what I’ve been filled with. When you are so empty, nothing in this world can satisfy, nothing can fill you completely or long enough. But God filled me through His Son, Jesus. That’s who I know, who I live for. I breathe because of Him and through Him. I can’t give what I do not have, but I give of what I’ve been filled with, given, through grace.

A Question

This is not where the story began, but this is where I’ll start to tell you from.

She hurried back inside the hotel’s fancy lobby.
Up the golden marble steps.
Further in and to her right.

There are a few details missing, but they don’t take away from the story.

She was out of breath but she needed to know. She wanted to know.

People crowded ahead; they were looking for seats and for rides home. Walking towards her friend and the commotion; “Where is he?” She demanded almost in a whisper.

“Umm… Over there.” Steph pointed. “He’s going to take a shuttle home”.

“Where?” Her eyes searched. “I don’t see…”

“Near the stand. Where people were taking pictures.”

Now Andy, her other friend spoke. “Go with confidence. Ask him. He’s wearing a white hat.”

A pause. Charlie was thinking.

“Go say hi and stand by him while he waits.”

So you’re towards the front.

Now he was walking towards her. No not towards her.

Maybe he hasn’t seen me.

He stopped in front of a girl, bending his knees to pet the black dachshund pup. Expectantly, Charlie came closer and did so too.

“He’s so cute.”

Gaining the courage from where not even breath was left she continued and asked him, “You were asking me something?”

He was not looking at her yet. It seemed longer but really wasn’t and he slowly managed turning her way, “t, d, v…”

She wasn’t expecting this. He was spelling out his question; this boy that ate confidence for breakfast, and carried it in his walk?

“t, d, v, a” He continued. Staring into her eyes. Maybe past them.
That doesn’t spell anything! There’s no vowels?!
“T, d, v, a?” She questioned.

Before she could go on.

“T, i, e, n, e, s, s,”

He was spelling it in Spanish and she scrambled following in her head to make out his words.

Deciphering in a whisper almost, “todavia tienes…”

He guided her, “todavia tienes sentim…”

Todavia tienes sentimientos por mi?

The question thunder within her without him finishing. She flashed within, assuring she’d never let anyone in her head. When had it slipped away?

How can you know this? It couldn’t have been that obvious. You sound too sure.

Snapping back into his sight.

By now they were both standing.

He questioned, kind of to her, kind of to the people in line standing near.

“Who has more to lose? I’m willing to let a few bucks go to hear the answer.”

He knew the answer. He wanted to hear it.

She was calm but confused. In her mind she had more to lose because she actually held feelings for him that he knew.

But she didn’t know what he felt. If, he felt.

Now, maybe because he realized that he was asking her this in front of other people. Maybe for her sake or maybe for his, he shaped his words.

“Todavía tienes un testimonio…”

Un testimonio? Was she dreaming? Was he teasing her?

“…un testimonio que contar?”

They stared at each other. He seemed disappointed, probably because he didn’t go on with his original question. But she knew better.

“Yes. If you let me say, then yes.”

She meant yes, that she was willing, if he chose her, to love him.